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Saturday 26 February 2011

Once A Pun A Time



1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of maths disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.



7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'



13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.


20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture boards an aeroplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

5 comments:

Unknown said...

Wonderfull - I'll have to invent a special prize for that next Tuesday!

All the best

Keith

Lee said...

Arrrrrgh!

Kitty said...

Keith: How exciting! I look forward to it with baited breath! (I had peppered herring for lunch, you see.)

Lee: Oh come, come. Don't try to pretend you don't appreciate a little punishment.

English Rider said...

A sense of humor is a great survival skill.

Metropolitan Mum said...

I think you are going to love this, if you don't know it already :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw

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